“I choose my own destiny!”
That’s such a common phrase, that gets me laughing every time I hear it.
What the f…. k can you choose? You are buried down with your own thoughts, worries, everyday obligations that just need to be done! That’s it! Nothing more, nothing less!
There is no excuse for your obligations, in your so-called ” life”. There are no choices!
No excuses for not going to work even if you feel and think that you’d rather stay home.
You must stay “responsible” and execute your obligations as they come.
Every morning when I woke up, and barely pull out myself out of the bed, I sincerely ask myself, where the hell I lost my last ten years? A whole decade?!
Flushed down the toilet, wasted and thrown away. Wasted on others and for the others.
I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror.
Hopeless face that has come to the final conclusion.
You don’t choose anything!
Everything else chooses you. And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Of course, you can decide for yourself if you’re gonna wear that pair of shoes today or not… but that’s so irrelevant.
The big life choices and decisions, oh, you thought you made it yourself?!
Do not be stupid! You were probably influenced by people surrounding you, your community and way of life that is „prescribed“ to you.
We are just a mass of entities, like an ant farm, running around, unable to see the bigger picture.
The more you run, the more you bury yourself into the every day’s happenings, the more you become detached from life and from yourself.
I am detached. It’s kinda floating feeling. Acting as a robot, just doing stuff that need to be done.
And the real Me? Cuddled somewhere deep inside waiting… not knowing what am I waiting for.
But I do know one thing.
There is no f…g way to get out of the line that just keeps leading you further and further. No stopping, just moving forward. Walking straight, you with the rest of the herd.
If you think that you are not the same kind and you’re somehow different, you are so deeply wrong.
The truth, the meaning of the life is not available to us, common people. We are just wanderers keeping what we need to keep, doing what we must do, and NOT what we want to do.
You can call yourself a Rebel, someone who will just push and overcome all of the boundaries and rules of the society, to live a life-like you really want to.
Wanna be a rebel ?! Come on, play the role! You will not last for a day. This game of life has rules! First of all, obedience! If you fight against it, you want last for a day.
I thought that this mind retrospective would be a positive one. But, I do realize now that it is not either positive or negative.
It is just REAL.
Albert Camus said :”The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion“.
I tried and I failed.
But, at least – I tried!
Did you try, ever?!