You Are Who You Are, Why Change?

AUDIOSLAVE – BE YOURSELF

 

We are all born into this world different in a perfect genetic chaos, making us unique. Unless, you of course have a twin brother or a sister, then you might consider yourself a little bit not unique.

If the universe wanted it the other way, we would all like the same music, dress the same way, are thoughts would be the same, our lives would be exactly the same.

But the nature itself tends to the chaotic state. It’s natural to be chaotic, to be different than the others who surround you.

I often question myself, what would happen’ if I really accept a long-term psychotherapy and completely change my mindset, my behaviour, my relationships with other people?

Would it still be me? Or someone else?

I know a guy with BPD for many years. When he reached the bottom, and searched for help, he undergo the process of a long psychotherapy sessions.

He is not the same person anymore.

We are still friends, but some of his reactions, sentences, the way he sees the world, is fully changed. I disagree with him a lot. And our friendship is not what it used to be.

In a way, a lost a friend.

I’m glad for him because he leads a normal life, with minor problems now and then, but I would never accept changing myself into someone else.

Sorry, I was born this way. I apologize for all my mistakes, bad manners, harsh words. I did the wrong this in my life. I hurt people, and I am sorry because of that.

But the others have hurt me as well, in a worse and more terrible way then I have done to anybody, ever!

Have they been sent to the psychiatrist? No.

So I choose to by myself.

The way I am.

I have changed only one thing: I brought a lot of kindness, empathy and love towards the others.

My character, though, didn’t change.

If you’re messing with me, it’s not gonna end well for you.

If you are kind to me, I’ll be kind to you.

My personality is who I am, but my attitude depends on you!

That’s why I posted this song.

It says it all.

“Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?

To be yourself is all that you can do!”

 

 

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Triggered

Well, the same “movie plot” as my life. Unfortunately, though.

I wish that I could share something positive about psychiatrists, therapy, DBT, but there’s nothing positive I can say so far.

The pattern just repeats itself in a form of a bad experiences with everything mentioned above.

BPD sucks, it is stigmatized to the bone.

It’s enough to go to the psych appointment and when they hear BPD I always hear that “uhhhhhhhhhh” sound.

It freaks me out so much, that I had started laughing the last time I was at the first appointment.

The psych asked why I was laughing, because he didn’t say anything, he was just reading my med documentation with that “uhhhhhhh” sound.

I replied: “You are all the same. When you see BPD,you are quitting on me before we have even started”.

No appointments had been arranged for the future visits. 😀

Girl walks into a psychiatrist's office . . .

I had an appointment with the psychiatrist today.

gun-phone

I was hoping we could have some sort of discussion about meds – even antidepressants. I am barely functioning out there in the real world, yesterday I had to leave work early (after arriving late) … I am a ticking bomb waiting to go off and I was scared yesterday.

I have met with this psych a couple of times before and I had a good vibe from him. He did my initial pre-diagnosis and was supportive during that time.

So, I went to the appointment with some enthusiasm and hope that he might offer some words of wisdom regarding my DBT debacle and that meds could be discussed.

What a silly, silly girl I am.

Firstly, here in NSW, there is a protocol for having your case worker sit in on any psychiatric sessions. I have seen 3 shrinks over 5-6…

View original post 574 more words

A video about medication and the BPD

I like this YouTube video about meds and BPD treatment.

I like it because no real therapy is found to treat the BPD.

Meds that are used are there to shut down the symptoms, like anger, impulsivity, self-harm, anxiety….but not BPD itself.

I do hope that one day, some better ideas will come, instead of antidepressants, antipsychotics….

I know, I have to take them. If not…well, that’s another story waiting to be told. Until then, please watch the video. 

😀