Self-Harm Replaced With Body Modifications- Tattoos And Piercings, My Experience

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My left forearm surface piercing.

 

Here it strikes again. I can feel it coming. I’m restless, anxious. Cannot stop thinking, walking around the flat.

I have to get out of here.

I have to go and do…something.

What will it be?

Have no idea exactly. It almost always starts with my car, engine turns on, I drive and end somewhere.

One piece of thought is scattered through my mind. Piercings, tattoos.

Luckily, it’s Saturday, so my friends do not work, but if they did, I will certainly got a new tattoo or a new piercing.

I have read somewhere, that these kind of body modifications replaces the self-harm urges, and first time I thought about it, I thought it was stupidity.

But, I have changed my mind.

It is mine compensation for the self-harm.

I admitted that to myself,but no one really understands. The people that surround me.

They think that I’m just utterly obsessed with it. Getting tattoos. Piercings.

No.

It’s something else.

It is this:

 

Tattoos, body piercing and self-harm – is there a link?
Some people say cutting their skin brings them relief from emotional pain – an act usually referred to as self-harm.
Others enjoy having their body pierced with metal and their skin inscribed with permanent ink. Is there a link between these acts? According to the German psychologists Aglaja Stirn and Andreas Hinz, in some cases there might well be.
The researchers collaborated with the body modification magazine Taetowiermagazin, recruiting 432 of their readers to complete a comprehensive questionnaire about their tattooing and piercing practices and motives.
One hundred and nineteen of the participants admitted to cutting themselves in childhood. That’s 27 per cent of the sample – a much higher proportion than is found among the general population of Germany: 0.75 per cent.
Compared with the readers who said they had never self-harmed, those who had were more likely to report “bad things” having happened in their lives, and to say they had previously had a bad relationship with their own body.
Moreover, the self-harmers reported that they often had their skin tattooed or body pierced to help overcome a negative experience, or simply to experience physical pain. Another clue that self-harm and piercing/tattooing might, in some cases, be linked, derives from the fact that many of the self-harmers said they had ceased cutting themselves after obtaining their first piercing or tattoo.
Stirn and Hinz concluded that most people who partake in body modification clearly do not do it because they have any psychological problems. “However,” they continued, “because body modifications have become so common and accessible, they are also used with probably increasing frequency as a convenient means to either realise psychopathological inclinations, such as self-injury, or to overcome psychological traumas.”
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Stirn, A., Hinz, A. (2008). Tattoos, body piercings, and self-injury: Is there a connection? Investigations on a core  group of participants practicing body modification. Psychotherapy Research, 18(3), 326-333.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10503300701506938

 

Not everyone who has tattoo’s or piercings is in this group. But, some of us are.

My BPD Skin Scars In Real Life- Try Wearing A T-Shirt In Public

 

forearm

 

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Yeah, it’s ugly, someone noticed in the bar, sitting behind me.

My forearms, scared, every line representing something to me.

I have turned around and said that my scars are no more ugly than his unintelligent brain.

He was too stupid to understand the meaning.

 

But, from that point, and even before that, I have thought what to do with these marks I made?

I bought an expensive cover up make up, but I was disgusted by the idea of camouflaging myself. It is who I am, like it or not. So I didn’t use it, not even once.

One day, I met a great guy, who is a tattoo artist. We were out, drinking beer, and I couldn’t notice his constant look on my forearm.  At first I was mad, so I asked him why the looks? Are my arms so pretty?

He said that he understands, and meant no harsh feelings, but that he was thinking about tattoos on my scars. Not to cover them all, its impossible, but to make them less visible.

I asked him how does he know that I wanted them less visible?

He said that there’s no other reason to wear a long sleeve shirt in the summer.

And he made a point. I haven’t even realised I went out with my long sleeves shirt.

I was hiding from myself.

So, we agreed to meet and make some plans about tattoo.

And yes, I got a tattoo on my forearm.

But, I liked it so much, that it has turned into a full sleeve tattoo (the whole arm), that spreads all along on my back.

Also, I got two other tattoos on my legs, because I liked them.

So, now I am not only scared, but also tattooed. Society loves me and accepts me truly ( that was sarcasm).

Not long time after that, I met a great girl, a beautiful, open-minded and highly empathic. A great person with a wonderful soul.

She is a piercing master.

Now I have at least ten piercings all around me, including the forearm.

Society approves me now even more.

In the summer, when I go out wearing a tiny T-shirt, I can feel the looks from the surrounding people. They are disgraced by my look.

Fuck that.

I concluded that I have never fitted into this society after all.

Now they have even more to look at on me and pinpoint me as a scandalous person.

Fuck that, you didn’t respect me before, I do not need your approval or respect, especially now.

I love my new me, at least new on the outside.

The inside is awaiting a soul tattoo, a mind remedy and a heart healing process.

I know all of it will become real……one day.

Until then, I plan another piercing tomorrow. Just to add more spice.