Daily Dose Of Romance

 

Much better than the original. Chester pined it completely.

No harsh feelings, Adele, but this piece of art is beyond the beauty.

If you haven’t heard this version, please do.

Is anyone out there who agrees with me? 

 

“The scars of your love remind me of us

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

I

can’t help feeling

We could have had it all……”

 

hands

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The Soul Song

dance

 

Dancing through the silence of a day

I’ll dance the pain away

Dancing

Until the morning shimmering sun

Arrays a new day.

 
 

Dancing to the serene numbness

Until I don’t sense myself anymore

Dancing ’till I’m gone

And forget what I’m dancing for.

 
 

Dancing to the indistinct music

Of my splintered soul

Because

No other instrument

Could play so devotedly

 
 

The chorus of my soul song.

 
 
 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/strike-a-chord/

pad2014

How To Make Money In Your Spare Time?

The book of Money

This picture is a REAL BOOK COVER from the year 1950 or later,  approximately.

No, I am not kidding! It’s for real!

When I first saw it, I couldn’t stop laughing, and it still works! The laughing part, I mean.
As I do have some spare time, I decided to follow the book title:
“How To Make Money In Spare Time”, but I didn’t choose their suggestion of the bank robbing, surprisingly.

I made it in the other area, completely different of my primary profession.

And you now what?

I like it so much, that I cannot wait another event / concert, whatever is on schedule!

Can anyone guess what is my spare time job?

Go ahead, I’m awaiting answers,maybe someone will guess!

The pictures are following, they hold the key!

And no, I am not the drummer!  😀

The Wall

The stage

The Stage

The Stage

The station

The guitar

The Drummer

 

Do not clap along!

 

Darkness and Light

No sunshine for he’s not here

And I’m not crazy what I’m about to say

I’m a tempered bomb ready to explode

Right into the space, bringing it all with me

**************

I’m unhappy and feel free to clap along

If you know that feeling

When the room ceiling is falling down on you.

Clap along if you understand the meaning

Of the loneliness, the only truth

Clap along, I know you feel it too.

*********************************

Nothing you can say can change my feelings

You’re just wasting your time.

No offense to you

Give me all the arguments you have

But no, I won’t be fine.

*********************************

Hey, come on

As you don’t know it by now

Nothing can lift me up.

I’m gone way to deep

Into this state of mind.

*******************************

Come on

Don’t waste your time

Clap along while I’m going into the dark

Where I belong.

Clap along

But don’t follow me down.

I’m already lost

But you can make it

If you just stop

Clapping along.

(Pharrell Williams- “Happy”, rewritten, as an answer to a challenge of  DP- “To The Tune Of….”)
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You Are Who You Are, Why Change?

AUDIOSLAVE – BE YOURSELF

 

We are all born into this world different in a perfect genetic chaos, making us unique. Unless, you of course have a twin brother or a sister, then you might consider yourself a little bit not unique.

If the universe wanted it the other way, we would all like the same music, dress the same way, are thoughts would be the same, our lives would be exactly the same.

But the nature itself tends to the chaotic state. It’s natural to be chaotic, to be different than the others who surround you.

I often question myself, what would happen’ if I really accept a long-term psychotherapy and completely change my mindset, my behaviour, my relationships with other people?

Would it still be me? Or someone else?

I know a guy with BPD for many years. When he reached the bottom, and searched for help, he undergo the process of a long psychotherapy sessions.

He is not the same person anymore.

We are still friends, but some of his reactions, sentences, the way he sees the world, is fully changed. I disagree with him a lot. And our friendship is not what it used to be.

In a way, a lost a friend.

I’m glad for him because he leads a normal life, with minor problems now and then, but I would never accept changing myself into someone else.

Sorry, I was born this way. I apologize for all my mistakes, bad manners, harsh words. I did the wrong this in my life. I hurt people, and I am sorry because of that.

But the others have hurt me as well, in a worse and more terrible way then I have done to anybody, ever!

Have they been sent to the psychiatrist? No.

So I choose to by myself.

The way I am.

I have changed only one thing: I brought a lot of kindness, empathy and love towards the others.

My character, though, didn’t change.

If you’re messing with me, it’s not gonna end well for you.

If you are kind to me, I’ll be kind to you.

My personality is who I am, but my attitude depends on you!

That’s why I posted this song.

It says it all.

“Someone finds salvation in everyone
And another only pain
Someone tries to hide himself
Down inside himself he prays
Someone swears his true love
Until the end of time
Another runs away
Separate or united?
Healthy or insane?

To be yourself is all that you can do!”

 

 

It’s a Mad World, Indeed

 

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world mad world….”

 

Isn’t it a truly Mad World?

Beautiful song, awesome lyrics.

Like it? Do you find yourself in the lyrics as I do?

I Am My Own Worst Enemy

LINKIN PARK- GIVEN UP

 

I relate to this song in every word that has been written, singed, read, written, felt.

 

“Stuck in my head again

Feels like I’ll never leave this place
There’s no escape

I’m my own worst enemy

I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say

Take this all away
I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me”

Three songs…that are important in my life

 

So, for the start, these three songs aren’t any classics, or something classy either, but for me they have a special meaning.

The words, the music, all blended together in a perfect match, that hits my inner “spot” of reminding, recollecting memories and sometimes even vivid pictures of that specific moment in the past.

Every song releases in me a multidimensional emotional vertigo.

Here they are, my chosen ones:

 

1. Linkin Park – Castle of Glass

 

Why this song? Because of the  lyrics.

They hit me like a bullet, precisely into every critical point in my head. I feel like I am every word in that song.

Hurt, broken, piece of glass.

I am a crack in the castle of glass, almost invisible to others, because there’s hardly anything that is left of me. I am empty, partial, incomplete.

And I do need someone or something to wash the sorrow of me, and as the lyrics say ” show me how to be whole again”.

Oh, my biggest wish, to be whole yet again, to make the sorrow disappear!

 

2. Johnny Cash – Hurt

Oh, Johnny Cash, the legend. Amongst all of his songs I prefer this one, his last. To me, it describes my life completely to the smallest thing.

On the beginning of a song, he is singing about the hurting.

He hurt himself to see if he still feels, and I do recognize and know that desire deeply inside of me.

As he says, he’s doing it to focus on the pain to make the memories go away. The pain is only what is real in that moment. And that’s so true!

At least, for a moment, everything else diminishes, only the pain remains and is there. It’s a relief to feel it. Such a relief!

And by looking back into my broken life, everything has gone, everyone has gone. All I have is nothing.  All I become is nothing. If you stay by me long enough, surely I’ll hurt you. That’s me. That’s my BPD.

 

3. Nick cave and The Bad Seeds – The Ship Song

Love. the most admired and wanted feeling amongst us, humans. And when you finally find it, that true, deep, connective, honest, pure love, you cannot have it.

I had a love like that, love like in the song.

“We talk about it all night long
We define our moral ground
But when I crawl into your arms
Everything, it comes tumbling down”.

It was true and unique. The only one I’ll ever have in its deepest meaning. We have both felt the same way. And we have both been hurt by the fact that we cannot last. That we cannot exist as US, together.

It was a horrible time in my life and yet, in the same time, the most beautiful time in my life.

All he has given to me, showed me, will never fade away. His name is written on my heart and I’ll take it with me in the grave.

He was, and still is, probably the only person on this planet that understood every molecule of me.

Every word, even unspoken, was heard and accepted. And I was the only one who understood his feelings, his thoughts, his dreams. Nobody else could to that.

It sounds melodramatic, I know, but he is my soul mate.

And we are not together, and we will never be again.

I don’t want to say why. It’s our secret.

I live with another man now. And I do love him, we will get married, we’re planning a family together. But this love is different. It’s not complicated, it is deep and connective, but it lacks the one small detail.

Full understanding of ME.

I have BPD, and that explains a lot of my problems, and why people never understood me for real.

My fiance understands my illness, and me as a PERSON to a DETAIL.

BUT NOT TO THE LEVEL OF THE SMALLEST MOLECULE OF ME, as HE did.

I have never told that to anyone. It’s not important anymore. I have my memories buried in my heart. Sometimes, but rarely, that chest opens unwillingly, taking me to the past, bringing all those feelings to the surface. For me, they only hurt now. Burn my skin, broke my bones.

I will never forget or regret any moment of us together. But I want it closed up, like an ending chapter of a finished story.

 

 

 

 

Finding the peace of mind, or how to beat depersonalization and anxiety – this is my way of doing it

 

Peace of mind can be found, in the silence of the night, cat purrs in your lap, rubber bands slapping on your wrist, vanilla ice cream eaten with a big spoon, hugging a tree, rolling down the meadow on the fresh green grass.

I have tried all of the above.

But, still, the method that gives me a complete sense of peace and puts me back into relatively normal state of mind, is the car driving.

Loud music, open windows and air freely whooshing through the car.

When I drive, I am me again.

And I drive without the destination. I just drive, into the Unknown. Sometimes I’m on the road for hours, sometimes I do just a quick speed test on the side road without any traffic. Burning tires is my speciality.

Cars, speed, music, open road in the night, they are my healers, my biggest supports.

I do wear a band on my hand sometimes, but no slapping on the wrist can be compared to this kinda feeling.

I do not need to drive today, though.

Vanilla ice and a large spoon. And a movie about impossible love, my favourite in the past few months : “The Code 46”.

My evening is going to be just….perfect.